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We are Family

Last week I wrote about expectations placed on your child. In that post, I was referring to those placed on him or her, and on you, as their parent by society. Now, I want to talk about the expectations your family puts into the mix.

Everyone has a different way of parenting their kids. Those of us with special needs children know that, more often than not, the systematic rules set into effect for a “typical” child carry very little relevance into our world. But how do you get others, specifically your family to understand that? How do you get them to understand that you are not “spoiling” your child, rather setting them up for success and not failure?

Some of us have learned to let go of the normal expectations but, for some reason, when people new to our situation are around, we feel the need to explain why we are doing what we are doing (or NOT doing, as the case may be). Even if you are parents of kids with no issues, it is hard to get outsiders to understand what you’re doing. Why you are doing it. But when your child DOES have special circumstances, it feels like you are defending your (and your child’s) life!! Maybe it is because we have battled for our children from the day they were born and we just have that fight in us all the time. Maybe it’s because we know these kids can’t defend themselves and that it is our duty to do it for them.

Those of a different generation have a different perspective and I understand it is hard to let go of that. But, I cannot understand what that has to do with me and mine. I am the parent. My husband is the parent. Those are the only two opinions that matter in the moment when we are trying to discipline our children, or diffuse the ticking time bomb that can be the PDD, ASD, SPD, ADHD kid!! I am the closest thing to an expert my kid has at his fingertips in his day-to-day life and I still have a lot of learning to do. What makes people think that they have the right, the knowledge, the know-how to handle the situation any better than I do???

Well, the truth of the matter is that they don’t. And we all need to remember this. We all need to keep in our minds that we are ALWAYS advocating for our child. Whether it be at school, at sports, at camp, or even with those who love us and them but don’t have the ability to know which road is the best to take.

While I don’t want to say that we need to “fight”, we do need to be able to speak our peace to those who love us and let them know when they have crossed a line of sorts. The tricky part is, doing it without hurting those we love.

 

Categories: Behavior Tags: , ,

Jbear


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